Love Cake

Nobody likes their bacon on the floor...

The first time I heard about the Terrible Twos goes way back before I became a mom. I understood it was common. I expected toddlers to burst into rage when being told "NO", or act up when being over-tired, or hungry, or sad etc...

What I did not expect was the power play, the bossiness and all the whining over the silliest things. I heard two-year-olds telling their mom which way to turn, while driving their cars and screaming the entire way home. Mine would burst because one minute, he wanted socks on, and the other, didn't want them. You would think just removing the socks would resolve the issue, but no, it's NOT ALWAYS THAT SIMPLE. Well, I guess, not in their mind. I can handle my dear son yelling no, but the yes/no/yes/no and cries of confusions over god knows what...SO DRAINING. The entire day could be as smooth as their soft skin, but all it takes is 30 minutes of tantrum to define my day...

Here's my typical tantrum scenario with my dear son who now is strongly claiming his autonomy and wanting to have more control over his (and MY) life :

Dear son: " Want yogurt!"

Mommy: " How do we ask for it?"

Dear son: " Mama! PLEASE, May I yogurt please?"

Happy mommy: " Sure you may! Let me go get it for you!"

Dear son sees the yogurt and screams "NO! NO YOGURT".

Mommy anticipating the crisis: " Ok then." And I put the yogurt back in the fridge.

Then the battle has started. He would ask for it, then say no, then want it again and so forth. I used to try a couple more times to offer it to him, but now stopped since I got tired of playing this tug of war game. So to cut it short, I put the yogurt back in the fridge and there he was, acting like he REALLY wanted it after all and throws himself on the floor in front of the fridge, and goes into convulsions like sizzling bacon slices on a frying pan. Sigh.

Even though it is completely normal they have to go through this phase, it does not make it easier to handle. We must remain calm and not let ourselves get drained by that type of behavior. So I did some reading, just to also remember I am not the only mommy in this situation and thought I could share some information with you all.

Techniques to End a Temper Tantrum

Use fewer words: Young children often respond better to commands that contain short phrases or one word directives. “Come here,” “No,” “Stop now,” and “Pick up,” is often more effective than, “How many times do I have to tell you that I do not want you leaving all the toys all over the living room so that everyone one in the house will fall all over them while they are walking through the living room.”

Repetition & Consistency: The more repetition and consistent that you are as a parent, the easier it is for your child to learn to comply. If you respond to a temper tantrum one time by yelling back at your child (displaying your own temper tantrum), the next time by ignoring the behavior and the next time yelling again, the child sees inconsistencies in your behavior and loses the repetition or repeat of appropriate display of behavior.

Loving Voice: “I can see that you are having a hard time now. I will talk with you when you stop yelling.”

Using Gestures & Body Language: The use of facial expressions (often exaggerated) and body gestures (big smiles, frowns and hand movements) often works to reduce temper tantrums in place of using words.

The Purpose of using gestures is not to be sarcastic or rude, but to slow the child down while keeping yourself calm.

Repeat the Words Without the Behavior:When your child says, “I want a cookie! I want a cookie!! I want a cookie!!” You repeat back, “You want a cookie, I want you to stop yelling.” Follow your words with silence.

Ignore the Behavior: Unless the child is having the temper tantrum right in the middle of a shopping mall, walk away and ignore the behavior for the time being.