Love Cake

Welcome to Love Cake.

A blog about my observations on life and everything I love with a food analogy twist: Family, Romance, Soul Mates Stories, Parenting, Spirituality, Friendship, Relationships, Sex, Fine Arts, Movies, Girlie Stuff, Music, and nonetheless, Food and Etiquette.(Oh! And even cute animals!)

I hope you will enjoy reading me. And please friends, don't be shy to leave comments. I would love to hear your thoughts. :)

Love,

Davine



Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year's Toast ☺♥

"Here's a toast to the future, a toast to the past and a toast to our friends and family, far or near. May the future be pleasant; the past a bright dream. May our friends remain faithful and dear."- Anonymous

Happy New Year! May 2012 bring bountiful blessings, happiness and joy to all of us and all positive vibes!
{{{{ ++++++++++ }}}}

A HUGE Thank You to those who have listened, helped, supported and nurtured me through this past year filled with joys but also hurdles. You have been true blessings in my life and I am so grateful to have you by my side.

Yours truly,

Davine

Friday, December 23, 2011

Great Seasoning! Oops, I meant, Season's Greetings!

We hope that the coming year will bring you peace, good health, good cheer and much prosperity. :D

Let music fill the air! Let joy be everywhere! Happy Holidays!

Sincerely,
Davine

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Bones Popping and Big Macs

When I was pregnant with my first son, I had a very bad case of sciatica and saw a chiropractor to help me cope with the pain. I must confess that this "doctor" was quite good looking, and so plastic looking that you would get star-stuck when meeting him.

So I came home from my first bone popping session and told my husband how dreamy this doctor was (we have a censor-free relationship), and how I dorkily behaved around the doctor because it was so intimidating how perfect he looked. My husband listened to me attentively with a smile, the way he always does. Then, I told him I was craving for a huge juicy BigMac. My husband's face changed from looking at me like I was ice cream to being close to furious. So I asked him:

- Honey! I don't understand you sometimes! I just told you I was drooling over a godly looking man and you have no reaction whatsoever. But I tell you I want to eat a Big Mac and you get angry at me...

-That's because if you chose that man over me, that would hurt me. But if you choose to eat that Big Mac, that will hurt you and the baby.

And this was one of the most loving and romantic thing my dear husband ever said to me.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Father Hen :P

Interesting article about couvade syndrome (sympathetic pregnancy). Did your husband have any symptoms?

By Heather Turgeon | November 3, 2011

As an expecting mom, I’m well aware of my body’s shifting chemistry and physical state. One day, a sudden lower back pain. The next day, a burst of energy and a mission to clear and rearrange every closet in the house. The next, a groggy haze and an overwhelming urge for a tuna sandwich.

We know that motherhood brings real physical changes, but is it true that men undergo some of the same transformations when their wives are pregnant?

Couvade syndrome, otherwise known as a man’s “sympathetic pregnancy,” mirrors the common symptoms of a mom’s gestation: nausea, food cravings, back aches, weight gain, and sleep problems. The condition, the name of which derives from the French verb couver, or “to hatch,” was first mentioned by anthropologists who noted that in many cultures around the world, expecting dads go through certain rituals, mental states, and behaviors that copy those of their pregnant wives.

In our society, although Couvade syndrome isn’t listed in the psychiatric or medical diagnostic manuals, it has caught the eye of several researchers and psychologists. The incidence of male pregnancy symptoms varies from study to study, ranging anywhere from 20 to 80 percent, with the lower number reflecting the percentage of men who actually seek treatment for their condition.

Sound implausible? Or like a whole lot of fuss and drama over dad that takes away from mom’s legitimate with-child status? That may be, but there is some scientific backing to the idea that approaching fatherhood changes a man’s chemistry. For example, one team of researchers found that men with babies on the way have higher levels of prolactin and cortisol in the time just before birth and lower levels of the sex hormones testosterone and estradiol directly after. In the same study, the men with more Couvade symptoms were the ones with the highest levels of prolactin and a greater reduction in testosterone.

And research on other primates certainly suggests that becoming a dad changes the brain. For example, the inherently nurturing and highly involved male marmoset monkey has been found to grow more neurons in areas of the prefrontal cortex that are involved in caretaking and bonding when their infants are born. These primates also seem to have the same prolactin increase as do human dads while their mom monkey counterpart is pregnant.

When I asked my husband about this, he confirmed that yes, he does feel different with me being pregnant – slightly more sensitive and protective. I agree here, since I’ve caught him telling me to fasten my seatbelt, look both ways before crossing the street, and other self-care skills I believe I mastered 25 years ago. Through both pregnancies, he has seemed extra motivated to eat well and exercise, although he recalled gaining weight after my son was born three years ago because we were classically hunkered down in a baby bubble.

So my personal jury is still out on the classic Couvade symptoms of nausea, lower back pain, and pickle and peanut butter cravings, but there is no doubt that nearing fatherhood affects men. It could be the psychological experience of anxiety, uncertainty, or growing responsibility with a baby on the way. Or it could be an evolutionarily adaptive neurochemical mix that keeps fathers involved and bonds strong, so we’re a team when our little ones are born. In the end, of course there’s no linear cause and effect — emotional states change our brain chemistry and vise versa.

And as long as I don’t have to make midnight ice cream runs for my husband or rub his back while he watches TV, I kind of like the idea that while we’re expecting our second child, his brain and body may be going through their own version of a tangible transformation with me.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Pork Rib Tips

How do you keep your relationship solid, fulfilling, juicy and exciting the same way those Pork Rib Tips are to me? Here are some few tips I gathered, either from my own experience, and from talking with other couples:

Do not go to bed angry at each other. The issue does not have to be completely resolved but both of you have made peace and calmed down at the least, so it avoids waking up and feeling all awkward.

Have sex as often as you can...by that, I mean any form of intimacy. :)

Kiss passionately. After many years, some couples stop french kissing, which is unfortunate. Once in a while, kiss your lover passionately the way you did in the beginning.

Mean it when you say "I Love You" and express it with your body as well (hands, eyes, or hugging, smiling, cuddling etc). (I know this ones seems obvious to many but some take for granted that words are enough, without the intention or tenderness that comes with those words).

Love each other every single day as opposed to taking it for granted that it will last forever. Everyday will eventually lead to forever.

After a long stressful day at work, eat first, discuss later. It's hard to stay calm on an empty stomach ( he he, this one comes from my 84 year old sweet grandmother)

Hold hands when arguing...It helps to stay connected even when not agreeing.

Communicate your thoughts, fear, joys.

Be playful and imaginative with each other. Keep your love innocent and fearless.

Find a common hobby.

Share your food with each other.

Do not fear to take the risk to make the other one happy. You will hurt more from the lack of trying.

Do not point fingers when fighting and focus on resolving the issue with some real solutions.

Smile at your partner whenever your eyes meet.

Leave surprises in her or his lunch box.

Be grateful you have a partner and show it to her or him. Do not take your loved one for granted as you are truly blessed to have him or her by your side (assuming it's a healthy relationship of course).

Watch your tone as it can easily be misinterpreted.

Know your partner's needs and make it your mission to cater to them even if it will take a life time.

Romance is the Art of making your partner feel like the most special and desirable person in the world. Savor those moments during this journey of Love Catering.

Any tips you would like to share with us? I would LOVE to hear yours as we are constantly growing and perfecting the Art of Loving. :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

Red Whine :P

So ladies...or even gentleman can participate in commenting on this post...

I am working on building a "period" music playlist for that daunting and grumpy week of menstrual pain and bad karma. Every month, I wonder what I did in my past life to have to bleed like this and still not die.

I thought of some few song titles to go in that playlist, but please help me by submitting your song ideas.

Here is what I got so far:

  • Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis
  • Here comes the flood, Peter Gabriel
  • Blood, Pearl Jam
  • Bloodstream, Stateless
  • Warning Signs, Coldplay
  • Evenflow, Pearl Jam
  • The Cure for Pain, Jon Foreman
  • Lady in Red, Chris Deburgh
  • Sunday Bloody Sunday, U2
  • Not The Red Baron, Tori Amos
  • Don't Have To Be Sad, Yo La Tengo
  • About A Girl, Nirvana

Please help me with this? :P

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Need Coffee =D

I was watching an episode of the Planet Earth documentary with my honey when these bighorn mountain sheep appeared.

Me: "Look at those poor sheep! They look so tired and beat up with their eye bags! They look like they did not have coffee!"

My husband: "They didn't. "

And his response made me laugh so much. So simple but it's the type of subtle humour that he injects in our daily life that keeps the passion going and brings so much joy into our lives. I love my husband!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Parenting Recipe and Labels

Why do we feel the need to "name" our parenting style? Why can't we just be Moms and Dads parenting our kids?

Here's an interesting article I would like to share with you:
by Patty Onderko

We spend a lot of time as parents (and an awful lot of time on parenting websites) exploring what kind of parents we want to be. The tendency to name "schools" of parenting is new to this generation. Our mothers were just mothers, not Attachment Mothers, or Free-Range Mothers, and, as we discussed yesterday, the name-your-parenting-after-an-animal trend is only about a year old (and, I would politely suggest, has run its course...)

I have been alternately amused and frustrated by this need we seem to have to give our philosophy a label -- or even to have a distinct philosophy at all. The closest I come to a belief system of my own is borrowed from a friend, Donnica Moore, who sums up parenting as: It All Depends On Everything.

Two essays on Huffington Parents today throw out the idea of "one way" or even a "semi-consistent way" and offer up -- actually CELEBRATE -- a view of parenting that is closest to Moore's.

Devon Corneal describes it here as "Sure of Nothing Parenting." She nails it (as usual).

And Patty Onderko calls it "Relativist Parenting." Her essay is below.

Whatever you call it (because, after all, names can change, and everything is relative...) these two women sum up the on-the-fly, never-the-same-river-twice, doing-the-best-you-can feeling of this thing we do -- whatever it is called -- that differs from child to child, day to day, and moment to moment. --Lisa Belkin, Parentlode

*****

I could be the worst parent in the history of the world. Or I could be the best. It's all relative. And that's my problem. Being a relativist and being a parent are hard ways of life to reconcile. Most likely, I'm a middle-of-the-road parent, but what's the middle of the road when it's relative to the relative best and the relative worst?

An example: I was crossing the actual (not proverbial) road with my 4-year-old twin boys the other morning when a turning car began honking at us. Here's a secret: I've long ago stopped forcing one of my sons to hold my hand while crossing streets. He rebelled so forcefully that our struggle actually put us at greater risk in the middle of the crosswalk. So I relented, and instead stood right next to him against oncoming traffic until we were safely to the other side. But the woman driving this car made it clear that I had made the wrong decision. She rolled down her window and screamed, "Hold his hand!!!" at me as she pointed emphatically to my unattached son. I was angry and defensive at the time, but later: Am I pansy parent who can't even uphold the supposed "non-negotiable" rules of childcare? Or am I a sensitive mom who wisely knows how to pick her battles? Honestly, I could go either way on that one. I flip-flop as of writing this.

Another example: I tell my other son (the one who does hold my hand crossing the street) one evening that it's time to put down the iPad. He whines convincingly and tells me that he's not done with his game yet and why does he have to turn it off now? I don't know really, I think. I don't want him to have too much of the notorious "screen time," but at the same time, I wonder, "Who am I? He's only been playing Angry Birds for 20 minutes and while 20 minutes is a lot more than, say, five, it's also a lot less than 60." Still, I enforce the power down, since I'm supposed to be consistent. But did I lose his trust as a reasonable parent who values his independent thinking? Again I think, "Who am I?"

I know, I'm his parent. And I need to step up and set boundaries. Kids feel more secure when there are rules and guidelines. Or do they? Isn't it relative to the child, the rules, and the person enforcing them? My kids seem to be relatively secure in their lives. But who am I to judge? My sense of comfortable and secure could be wildly different from theirs.

This second-guessing makes parenting, as you can see, a daily guessing game. One twin seems ready for a talk about the birds and the bees, but the other seems -- relative to his brother -- not. But how do I know if the first twin is really ready for the discussion, relative to his peers? It's a twisted rabbit hole of right and wrong, sensible and foolish, kind and cruel.

Where do I find my bearings, my parenting absolutes when I kinda, I'll admit, don't believe in anything for sure? Dr. Bill Sears is smart about nutrition, but I couldn't do attachment parenting with twins. The SuperNanny seems sensible, but that's probably because she doesn't have any kids. The American Academy of Pediatrics is authoritative, but definitely stuffy.

The term "expert" is completely relative. To wit, as a career parenting writer, I've been called an expert.

Do I even need to mention that I'm not sure whether or not I believe in a God?

It would be easy to say that what I believe in, ultimately, is my own love for my kids and my good intentions towards them. But I bet those parents who read To Train Up a Child and switch their infants feel they too have only the best intentions. And, of course, you may love your kids more than I love mine. How would I know?

But if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I love my own kids more than anyone else loves them (in the future, when they meet life partners, I'll duke that issue out -- internally, of course -- with their respective choices), save their other mother. And I love them more than I have ever loved anyone before, save their other mother. I know this. And it's this I have to trust. That's where my parenting rabbit hole lands with a happy thud. I love my kids relative to nothing. And I do my relative best.

Sure, that doesn't help me when I'm trying to figure out how to discipline one when he nearly strangles the other for wrecking his block castle (he worked on it for so long!). But still.

You may think, or be enviably certain, that despite my love (doesn't everyone love their children?), I'm a lousy mother.

But who are you? Your opinion is...well, you know.

Happy Again. --This song I wrote with Komar after I lost a friend


Vocals: Davine
Guitar: Komar


The extension of our love story