An amazing family that I heart and pray for every single day. ♥ ♥ ♥

Strawberry Shortcake and Bananaman

Growing up in the 80's, there were cartoons targeting girls and some targeting boys. Boys would love Bananaman, The Transformers, GI Joe, ThunderCats and He-Man mostly. I used to love watching Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, Jem and the Holograms and the Care Bears. As a kid, no one told me it was for girls, and I don't think anyone really decided those were the only shows I was allowed to watch. I spent most of my days with my grandma who only spoke Cambodian. She didn't and couldn't filter what I could or could not watch (aside from the blatant violent scenes or adult content). It seemed to be my natural preference to lean towards those shows for girls since all the layout was in my pastel color palette. I loved pink and all those programs were painted in pink galore. I tried watching ThunderCats and enjoyed it, but I would always prefer my girlie stuff.

I never thought about all these gender dividing programs until I heard a friend saying she was against her son watching Dora the Explorer since it was a show targeting little girls. She made it seem like she would be more tolerant if he had a sister and would watch it with her. But since he doesn't, it would be wrong to expose him to a girlie show (even though Dora is no where near as girlie as My Little Pony for instance). I personally wasn't sure I understood the difference and what impact it would have on the boy whether he had a sister or not. The show would still be the same. While trying to understand her rationale behind all of it, I asked her why she wouldn't let him watch Dora. She responded that it was the parent's duty to decipher between what is right or wrong for their children. I couldn't agree more with her since that statement seemed more than obvious to me. That was the way I would describe the role of a parent. But she did not answer my question: Why not Dora? (asides from the fact that I am annoyed by Dora's high pitch voice...)

I knew this topic would be hot for a great discussion. I really wished she knew why she believed what she believed. I asked what she was afraid of but all I could get was her coming to the conclusion that we had different opinions. She concluded before the topic even started. The thing is, I didn't even get to express my opinion yet so how did she assume mine was different? (well, maybe because I questioned her, it was apparent that my reasoning was diverging from hers) but I was still interested in hearing her out. The conversation unfortunately ended that way...

The thing is, she most likely knew why she banned Dora, but chose not to say it, knowing it was a delicate topic. She did not want to face any confrontation being the sweet girl that she is. But how could she expect no reaction when she makes such a bold comment in public?

I will speculate by saying that she did not want her son to watch Dora so that it wouldn't make him become gay....Maybe it's not that, but then, why else wouldn't she respond to such simple question?
Now here's my opinion, assuming it was a because of a homophobic reason.

First of all, I am TIRED of all these expressions "He's all boy" when a little boy acts crazy hyper and wants to destroy everything...And seeing calmer or more intellectual kids labeled as "non-typical boy". In case it wasn't obvious, let me remind everyone that if you have a penis, you are a boy (unless he tells you otherwise) and if she has a vagina, she is a girl (unless she believes the other way around). Whether they want to have sex with a boy or girl doesn't matter in the nature of their gender. They are still boys or girls no matter what orientation they have.

Secondly, unless there was a trauma of any sort, I don't believe anyone "becomes" gay, the same way we cannot "ungay" someone either. And when I say trauma, I am NOT implying homosexuality to be any form of disease, but I mean, like ANY kind of trauma, who knows, it could change anyone in the ways they act. I may be no expert in this matter, but from everything learned and read on that topic and from everyone I met, I am mostly certain that most homosexual are born gay. It is not a contagious disease that you could catch and you certainly wouldn't become gay if you are a little boy and watched Dora as a kid!

To come back to my friend: hypothetically if her son enjoyed Dora, if he is heterosexual, he may just end up having a crush on the female character, or get bored after watching the show and choose, with his own initiative to not want to watch it. And if her son IS a homosexual, then, it doesn't mean he'll like the show Dora, nor that it's bad that he is an homosexual. He could be gay and LOVE the Transformers too! I'm not sure if I made my point clearly...

What alarms me the most with this type of mentality, is the type of teenager and adult her son will become. She said clearly it was the parent's responsibility to decipher between right and wrong for their kids, so, what is she teaching him by not letting him watch Dora? What does she say in front of him about boys who do watch those girlie shows? I am afraid that is the source of how bullies are created. At home. They learn intolerance and it comes straight from their parents...

As a mother of two boys, I am hoping deeply to raise well-rounded happy kids who become ambitious, positively competitive, strong from outside and within, compassionate, but most importantly, tolerant and acceptant of other's differences. Oh, and why not add nurturing too.

Love Cake has a Facebook fan page! :D

My dear valuable readers, 

I would like to invite you to visit the new Love Cake Facebook page! If you like reading me, please go visit that page and "Like" it. That will definitely make my day!

Thank you in advance for the support! 

Davine ♥ ♥

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Love-Cake-Blog/122849737800930

That awkward moment when you're on a date and he orders a salad right after you ordered a big juicy steak...

There is this preconceived notion and expectation that women have a smaller appetite than men. The common belief seems to be that women have a smaller appetite for food, sex or ambition, and when we encounter one that is more vocal and aware of her needs, men (and even some women) become intimidated by them. I find it discouraging when I hear stories of men feeling threatened by women with power. Any kind of power. Sex drive seem to be the scariest...It takes me back to those old days where witches were persecuted for having special capabilities...Those men are stupid...The day they will understand that they are in best hands with a woman with power, that is when their world will turn upside down.

Our society hyper-sexualizes everything and loudly sends out messages of what an average man fantasizes about: A clueless, wet (there is always a wet element: her wet hair, white t-shirt, her moist lips or nonetheless, her dripping Queen Victoria) woman licking everything and anything without questioning anything and ending innocently in sexy pauses and ready to receive, smirking like a deer in the headlight. They want her hungry...but never HUNGRY. Not because they wouldn't like it, but because they don't think those women really exist, and those who enjoy sex are often judged as sluts. Most women, because of this preconceived notion of them having the appetite of a bird, often don't allow themselves to feed their hunger to the fullest.

I applaude the caveman who would rather pay for a prostitute to fulfill his dirtiest fantasies rather than presenting the idea to his steady partner. (insert sarcasm here). His excuse being that he respects his love too much to degrade her to such activity and it would change his holy perception of her. Well, he definitely didn't care about her changing her perception of HIM. How is that respectful to seek someone else? A street worker or not. And the assumption that she wouldn't enjoy it, but if she dared to enjoy it, she'd have to face his judgment afterward, even though he should know her by now...All of this exasperates me. And yes, I know men who did that to some girls I know.

I know a husband who would love watching porn but never allow his wife to watch it. She's too good for porn. That same guy runs to take a shower after each time they are done having sex, as if it was so dirty or something. I don't care which denomination you worship, but I am certain there is no literature out there that forbid being nasty with the person you are married to. MOST religions forbid adultery but there is no where where it says married couples cannot have some wild fun. Oh, and speaking of wild, I am tired of wild being synonym for sadomasochist activities!! Too many sexual aberrations I can handle. It doesn't affect me personally, thankfully, but it drains me to know that some of my girls are subjected to such archaic view of their intimacy...or more so, LACK of REAL intimacy. And intimacy isn't limited to coitus or an explosive finale.

The main problem I believe, is the lack of general sex education. I'm not talking about a class where you learn about your anatomy and what a clitoris is. I am talking about learning about self-esteem, and the value of intimacy. Learning about our minds, sex drive and what catalyst triggers what, and the obscure and unexplored side of our subconscience. In some cultures, they have trainings about how to become a companion. In the Kama Sutra for instance, it's not only about sex positions, but also mastering the art of intimacy. Discovering, savoring, maximizing the sensual experience in its purest, fusional form. Our society lacks of sex education leading to increasing our sex intellect. Back to my food analogy, there is a lack of food culture and knowledge of refined food. People settle for junk food or just family friendly food, and in some cases, some take out. Refining your vision of sexuality doesn't turn you into a wild nymphomaniac necessarily. Even the finest mushroom truffle has one feature that makes it valuable: its wildness.

I dream of a day when women will learn to master their wildness and men will have developed minds and taste buds enough to value them. Here, I am talking, beyond the whipped cream, lingeries, and dirty talk...And just like when ordering at a restaurant: don't go there as a food critic, but keep on ordering the same things and trying new things on the menu...They will end up catching on what you like...Woman can be ladies in the outside world but it is OK to turn into a refined minx in the bedroom...or in the kitchen, or why not the staircase?

One more point I would like to make is that guilt people keep on having when having their minds wander. Let your mind wander and have fun together. Be opportunist, sneaky. Plan ahead. Surprise him or her and switch the power house around. It's ok to crave for just a raw fish right away, or just a greasy French fry, or start craving for just a fry and turning it into a ten course meal....And sometimes, chocolate can go in a beef chili con carne, and bacon can be added to a chocolate...Bottom line, YOU make the rules...

Does organic food turn people into jerks?

A very interesting article about food snobs, or to be politically correct, people who become self-righteous because of their choices of food they eat, in this case, organic food. But I have noticed the same amount of arrogance coming from vegan people as well...I find amusing someone took the time to make this study. :P

By Diane Mapes

Renate Raymond has encountered her fair share of organic food snobs, but a recent trip to a Seattle market left her feeling like she'd stumbled onto the set of "Portlandia."

"I stopped at a market to get a fruit platter for a movie night with friends but I couldn't find one so I asked the produce guy," says the 40-year-old arts administrator from Seattle. "And he was like, 'If you want fruit platters, go to Safeway. We're organic.' I finally bought a small cake and some strawberries and then at the check stand, the guy was like 'You didn't bring your own bag? I need to charge you if you didn't bring your own bag.' It was like a 'Portlandia skit.' They were so snotty and arrogant."

As it turns out, new research has determined that a judgmental attitude may just go hand in hand with exposure to organic foods. In fact, a new studypublished this week in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, has found that organic food may just make people act a bit like jerks.

"There's a line of research showing that when people can pat themselves on the back for their moral behavior, they can become self-righteous," says author Kendall Eskine, assistant professor of  the department of psychological sciences at Loyola University in New Orleans. "I've noticed a lot of organic foods are marketed with moral terminology, like Honest Tea, and wondered if you exposed people to organic food, if it would make them pat themselves on the back for their moral and environmental choices. I wondered if  they would be more altruistic or not."

To find out, Eskine and his team divided 60 people into three groups. One group was shown pictures of clearly labeled organic food, like apples and spinach. Another group was shown comfort foods such as brownies and cookies. And a third group -- the controls -- were shown non-organic, non-comfort foods like rice, mustard and oatmeal. After viewing the pictures, each person was then asked to read a series of vignettes describing moral transgressions.

"One vignette was about second cousins having sex," says Eskine. "Another was about a lawyer on the prowl in an ER trying to get people to sue for their injuries. Then the groups made moral judgments on a scale from one to seven."

In another phase of the study, the three groups were asked to volunteer for a (fictitious) study, with each person writing down the amount of time -- from zero to 30 minutes -- that they would be willing to volunteer.

The results did not bode well for the organic folks.

"We found that the organic people judged much harder compared to the control or comfort food groups," says Eskine. "On a scale of 1 to 7, the organic people were like 5.5 while the controls were about a 5 and the comfort food people were like a 4.89."

When it came to helping out a needy stranger, the organic people also proved to be more selfish, volunteering only 13 minutes as compared to 19 minutes (for controls) and 24 minutes (for comfort food folks).

"There's something about being exposed to organic food that made them feel better about themselves," says Eskine. "And that made them kind of jerks a little bit, I guess."

Why does eating better make us act worse? Eskine says it probably has to do with what he calls "moral licensing."

"People may feel like they've done their good deed," he says. "That they have permission, or license, to act unethically later on. It's like when you go to the gym and run a few miles and you feel good about yourself, so you eat a candy bar."

Eskine says he was surprised by the findings ("You'd think eating organic would make you feel elevated and want to pay it forward," he says) and hopes to do additional studies that look at conditions that might prompt people to act differently.

Until then, organic eaters may want to rein in those self-righteous stink-eyes.

"At my local grocery, I sometimes catch organic eyes gazing into my grocery cart and scowling," says Sue Frause, a 61-year-old freelance writer/photographer from Whidbey Island. "So I'll often toss in really bad foods just to get them even more riled up."

The Starbucks Experience...in your love life ♥

This is not a promotion campaign for Starbucks and they did not pay me to make this analogy...I simply could not come up with a  better comparison to make my point for this post...

So...What makes Starbucks so successful? How did they turn plain coffee that we are all familiar with and take for granted into such business phenomenon? The magic answer is "The Starbucks Experience".  They were able to convert what's ordinary into extraordinary.

Converting what's ordinary into extraordinary is key to happiness, I firmly believe. Not limited to your love life, but in every aspects of your life.  Everyday is filled with mundane tasks and obligations, but if you take the time to appreciate all what you have as blessings, you will discover how beautiful your life can be...

"Enjoy the little things in life...For one day, you'll look back and realize they were the big things. "

One morning, as I was preparing a bottle for my baby, tears ran down my face when I saw an unopened box of baby formula on our kitchen counter.  It made me cry because that morning,  I realized how caring my husband was (more caring than I already thought I knew), beyond the love and affection, but how he CONSTANTLY thinks of us all and is always ahead of us to fulfill our needs. Not only does he work hard, allowing me to stay home and raise both our sons, but he always makes sure we lack of nothing when he comes home. Day and night, he goes above and beyond to take care of us. The sight of that box of formula was just a reminder of his thoughtfulness and here's why:

I absolutely dislike digging into our unfinished and cold garage, where most our things are stocked...Knowing that, my dear husband always made sure HE was the one who went into the garage, everyday, to get everything we need: toilet paper, breakfast waffles, tissue boxes, baby formula etc...This could be mundane and no one would cry because of their husband's amazing stocking and inventory tracking capabilities...But it isn't about those skills solely. It's about his love for us. He did not HAVE to go in the garage all the time. But without us asking him, he goes and has been worrying about keeping track of everything so we wouldn't have to lack of anything. And he never failed on taking care of us and making us feel loved. And that, I am very grateful for. Amongst a million other things.

I have been taking for granted being able to enjoy watching all the same TV shows with my love. I did not know it wasn't common until I heard girls complain about it. Doing the grocery is so fun with my husband. I cannot explain why but it has always been something I deeply enjoyed with him. Pillow talk, waking up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and realizing he's up as well, for the same reason, so I get another five minutes of awareness of him by my side, and kissing, half asleep, in the middle of the bathroom... All these simple things that fill out my heart and soul...You would say it doesn't take me much to appreciate things? I would then ask you, " Why do you need so much and why would anything else make you happier?"

Watching my husband dress up to go to work (delicious sight); realizing he's staring at me smiling when I thought I was alone doing something goofy; having him bring my glasses before I realize I left them in the kitchen before we get ready to watch our favorite show; him still waving at me when he's outside mowing the lawn, or out of the car pumping gas, like we used to do twelve years ago. Kiddish, you would say. Well, why not kiddish? Who else can you be that way with?

All these little attentions are the most valuable things in the world to me. It's not just about sex and attraction, it's about all the tiny little things. People notice all the tiny little things that annoy them. How about counting all the tiny little things that make you feel lucky, loved and appreciated?

Once again, turning what could pass for ordinary (because it is nothing but ordinary) into seeing it as extraordinary...

Sweet as honey glazed chicken...

As I was scooping some LoMein noodles at a Chinese buffet, I heard this woman elbowing a man by accident. She apologized very politely until she realized it was her husband. Than, her tone angrily changed to "Oh, it was JUST you!" and she became quickly annoyed he didn't look and wasn't more careful...

I thought it was sad that she would show more patience and tolerance with a complete stranger than with the man she married and fell in love with. Unfortunately, most everyone tend to take their loved ones for granted and sometime behave in a more civilized way with people they don't know. Shouldn't it be the other way around though? We should always remember to cherish our loved ones like on the first date. I think that's a good way to keep the mutual respect and admiration going. I say let's remain ladies and gentlemen especially at home!

We often hear that the absence of communication is what causes marriages to fall apart. I believe that a poor attitude and the tone of voice can be the culprits that plunge most relationships into silence. Because attitude triggers off attitude from the other person, it can easily lead to feelings of withdrawal and unhappiness. If our tone conveys an undercurrent of anger or frustration, sounds distracted or preoccupied, or is heavy with sarcasms, it will influence how others hear what we are saying and how they interpret our message. A misinterpretation, based on our tone, will garble the message, at best, or lead to a giant misunderstanding. The next time you speak to your partner (or anyone else in your life), take a moment to notice the way in which you speak. In the same turn, notice how others speak to you and what their tone communicates. The way you - and others - speak matters so much in relationships!!

Just some food for thoughts...