Love Cake

Well Done

If my heart was a fish net, it would be such a gigantic fish net. I caught so many fishes, great ones and bad ones. I didn't realize that I needed to learn to fish and pick the kind that was fresh, and healthy for me. The fish that would respond to my needs, satiate my appetite. I caught too many fishes over the years and each of them made me so proud. I was so proud of them that I couldn't decipher which was no longer fresh anymore. Now that I am in a bad place, with low energy and omega three, I needed a healthy fish to nourish me, help me feel better but instead, I got food poisoning.
The problem when your friends are like fishes, is that they either have a short memory, don't care, don't dig you or worse, they'll try to eat you whole...
I don't know where I learned to expect this much from my friends. Where it came from. I really wished I didn't care as much about them. My parents always taught me that only family mattered, so, in response, I loved my friends like my family. The longer we remained friends, the more I assumed they knew me. The longer we've still been friends, the more they actually don't. At this point, I'm not sure what still being friends means. We still talk on the phone? We still see each other once a year? What does any of this mean? What is the point in staying friends when the relationship has stopped evolving? The problem is that while they were still current to me, some of them filed me in their archives. Our friendship was long gone, probably even before I left....
I feel lost, and so far from everyone. In times like these, this is when I need my friends. Being so far from everyone I care the most is the hardest thing. Home becomes not home, and the new home feels like an empty room where I can dance freely without the fear of bumping into anyone...because there is no one.
I hung up the phone with a bitter taste in my mouth. You would think that if you kept a friend for over twenty years, that this friendship is mutual, precious and valuable; that it would remain strong despite the distance, that this person would understand, love you and cherish this long lasting friendship? Instead of aging like fine wine, it just turned into cheap stale grape juice.
I'm thinking about cleaning up my pantry. As much as I like to refer to my best friends as my multivitamins, even those have an expiration date on the bottle. I just chose to ignore it for too long. Stick a fork in me, because I'm done.