Love Cake

From Cake Batter to a Love Cake

Love isn't only about physical attraction, butterflies, mutual admiration and what we have in common. To me, all of that is extra icing and decoration on the cake. While being so consumed about finding the right one, people sometime forget about the end goal: a durable fulfilling relationship.

Now, when meeting someone, how do we recognize the right one? Once we gather all the ingredients into our mixing bowl, how do we know it will turn into a real Love Cake and not become dry muffins or sticky pudding?

I watch my parents who have been happily married for over forty years and realize they don't have much in common: one is introverted while the other outspoken; one is a musician when the other qualifies music as noise...

When finding love, the focus can be, at times, based on previous relationships. We all want to learn from our mistakes. After a rough break-up, walls are being built and the energy to build bridges is low. When meeting a new person, skills are being compared, the relationship dynamic, the body types are being compared. With all this comparison, it is easy to lose focus on our true feelings. Emotional baggage and rational analysis are not what determine pure chemistry. Comparison has never made any Love Cake rise, from all my observations, and may even turn the batter into a sour mix of emotions. " Am I good enough? Am I the best dessert he or she ever had?"

As you can see, I am not a fervent believer in Love experience. No one can tweak themselves to perfection hoping to become a cookie-cutter perfect lover that can please and satisfy anyone as long as they want to stick with them. Even an elite professional dancer can be a lousy dance partner if he or she has never practiced with this new person. You need to learn with this new partner. Adjust and cater your dance moves, style and rhythm to this new dance partner. The saying " It takes two to Tango" goes way farther than "being both at fault" during a conflict. It takes two to make a Love Cake that is smooth, sweet, well balanced, light but filling.

Baking and relationships are purely about chemistry. With the right dosage, the batter rises.

I knew I met the right man for me when all my guards were gone. Not only do we share common personal beliefs and values, it felt easy to talk to him, it felt safe to trust him...and to my constant amazement, it wasn't only a feeling, but it was TRUE. We have been fully trusting each other since, and trusting that we would never do anything to hurt nor harm each other. Like surgeons, we took an oath to be there for each other, cherish, embrace each others heart and even heal each other from the wounds that life may have caused with time. The situation may have been complicated in the beginning, considering it was a long distance relationship, but on the emotional level, it was always the easiest. I did not have to worry nor question his love. I just felt and knew we both were into our relationship with both feet in, committed and equally eager to make this relationship rise and enrich itself.

That feeling is not something we learn. We can grow an appreciation for avant-garde jazz (which, sidenote, I cannot stand), get out of our comfort zone and travel to an exotic destination or anything else that this new person is making us discover. But in order to feel free, comfortable and happily serene inside, it is truly about finding that person who will respect you, inspire you to feel that way, and allow you to feel that way based not only on words, but on real actions, on daily clear demonstration of love, consideration, affection and respect towards each other.

We don't need to be a perfect person to find the perfect one for us either. It only takes this special person who inspires and brings the best out of us, that special person who equally wants to invest all the positive energy towards this relationship, and make it rise and bloom.