Love Cake

Chinese Food

After reading this article that appeared on The Wall Street Journal this week with a shocking title such as Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior, it made me think about the way I was brought up. It was very odd that such topic would be published on that business oriented journal I thought. I don't think Chinese mothers are "superior" but surely different from the Western mother.

Asian parenting is mainly about sacrificing time, devoting your life to assure your child gets a better life than you had, and this often means not spending fun quality time with your children, hammering the importance of the Academics and teaching discipline, strength and resilience. Anything that takes time away from study time is a waste of time, and parents know what's best for their children.

I was brought up by a very typical Asian mother. She valued skills, because skills are useful. My mother cannot stand useless people or any notion of uselessness. So in addition to having to maintain an outstanding academic record, my mother transmitted me the importance of cooking, family unity and honor, respect to the elders and everything to become a respectable spouse. Those values were always pretty straight forward and clear throughout my education. Even though her ways of teaching me those values seemed harsh and stern back then, I am today, very grateful for everything she has transmitted to me. I wonder though, if there were any other ways she could have transmitted them to me. Would it be so bad if I attended some sleep overs from time to time or took drama class? Does it have to be this painful to become a full grown Asian woman? At least, I knew clearly what my parent's expectations were and always knew that it was because they had high regards of me and knew I was strong enough to cope with the pressure.

Reading this article also made me realize that despite all the disappointments that my mother openly expressed to me in the past (for example, after seeing a "Chinese F"...being a B, she would tell me she should have left me in the jungle while escaping the Communists has she known I would end up letting her down like this), none of them really affected my self-image nor self-esteem. I also never loved nor respected my mother less for that. The Western world is very concerned about their child's psyche while the Easterner parents couldn't care less about that aspect unless their children perform well in school. I wonder how I will bridge those two parenting styles to make it my own...One thing for sure, I do believe learning can be fun, but not all learning HAS to be fun. Academics are crucial but also inner happiness and finding our true passions.

I was discussing this article with a friend from College, and started telling her anecdotes about my mother. Back in high school, that sexually obsessed awkward age, I remember seeing myself in shock by my mother's comments sometimes. So many topics were taboo in my house. Don't ever dare to mention wanting to date boys back then or it would have been a Tsunami on the entire block. They were so many spoken and even louder unspoken subjects, but one of the subject always surprised me: vagina hygiene. As many taboo we had, this one oddly wasn't one. I remember my mother nagging me to go take a shower when we all came back late from a wedding and all I wanted was to collapse in my bed. My mother would put on her battle face and fight me to shower and when capitulating, would say across the entire house (even in front of my family members sometimes) " WELL AT LEAST CLEAN YOUR VAGINA!" . That was the very least I should wash. I thought it was only her who said strange things like this in the open, but laughed so hard I nearly bust a gut when comparing notes with my other Asian girlfriends. Their mother would insist on vagina hygiene the same way! Were yeast infections very common back in the days? Why has it become a cultural thing?

This article was truly interesting as it spoke to me directly. It put a light on many questions I had about my mother and her parenting ways. Thank you Amy Chua for giving me some answers. :)