Dog Cookies Treats

I can't help but cringe when I hear proud women gloat about how they've "trained" their men well. As if they were dogs or something. Perhaps they did end up with a dog. Or perhaps their man became dogs after being treated like one for too long. I like to believe people respond the way we treat them.

I take more pride in the fact that my dear husband does what he does because he enjoys doing it and that he does it out of his free will. He naturally thinks of calling to let us know where and what he's doing and to check up on us. He enjoys being a hands-on dad with our son. He thrives in becoming the best husband and father he can be for us and he does that because he values those notions. It is not the result of some manipulative technique, threat or power play and mind games.

I value rewarding positive behavior, but in my dictionary, it's called gratefulness. Not dog training. Perhaps I'm just stuck on different wording? You can imagine the look on my face when people see my husband help out with chores and kid care and tell me how well I trained him (shaking my head).

When there is some sort of disconnect in a relationship, it has nothing to do with whether one or the other has trained the person well or not, in order to remain satisfied and have all the expectations met. Both people need to want to do things for the other one, and wanting to be with that person should be motivating enough to make an effort to cater to that person. If let's say, the physical attraction isn't really there anymore, or if you would rather go to bed than spend some quality time with your love, it does not make him or her a bad person. When there is clearly a disconnect, both need to want to acknowledge there is a problem in order to find steps to fix it. A great shoe is a great shoe but can only go so far. It takes a full pair to move forward....

Nobody likes their bacon on the floor...

The first time I heard about the Terrible Twos goes way back before I became a mom. I understood it was common. I expected toddlers to burst into rage when being told "NO", or act up when being over-tired, or hungry, or sad etc...

What I did not expect was the power play, the bossiness and all the whining over the silliest things. I heard two-year-olds telling their mom which way to turn, while driving their cars and screaming the entire way home. Mine would burst because one minute, he wanted socks on, and the other, didn't want them. You would think just removing the socks would resolve the issue, but no, it's NOT ALWAYS THAT SIMPLE. Well, I guess, not in their mind. I can handle my dear son yelling no, but the yes/no/yes/no and cries of confusions over god knows what...SO DRAINING. The entire day could be as smooth as their soft skin, but all it takes is 30 minutes of tantrum to define my day...

Here's my typical tantrum scenario with my dear son who now is strongly claiming his autonomy and wanting to have more control over his (and MY) life :

Dear son: " Want yogurt!"

Mommy: " How do we ask for it?"

Dear son: " Mama! PLEASE, May I yogurt please?"

Happy mommy: " Sure you may! Let me go get it for you!"

Dear son sees the yogurt and screams "NO! NO YOGURT".

Mommy anticipating the crisis: " Ok then." And I put the yogurt back in the fridge.

Then the battle has started. He would ask for it, then say no, then want it again and so forth. I used to try a couple more times to offer it to him, but now stopped since I got tired of playing this tug of war game. So to cut it short, I put the yogurt back in the fridge and there he was, acting like he REALLY wanted it after all and throws himself on the floor in front of the fridge, and goes into convulsions like sizzling bacon slices on a frying pan. Sigh.

Even though it is completely normal they have to go through this phase, it does not make it easier to handle. We must remain calm and not let ourselves get drained by that type of behavior. So I did some reading, just to also remember I am not the only mommy in this situation and thought I could share some information with you all.

Techniques to End a Temper Tantrum

Use fewer words: Young children often respond better to commands that contain short phrases or one word directives. “Come here,” “No,” “Stop now,” and “Pick up,” is often more effective than, “How many times do I have to tell you that I do not want you leaving all the toys all over the living room so that everyone one in the house will fall all over them while they are walking through the living room.”

Repetition & Consistency: The more repetition and consistent that you are as a parent, the easier it is for your child to learn to comply. If you respond to a temper tantrum one time by yelling back at your child (displaying your own temper tantrum), the next time by ignoring the behavior and the next time yelling again, the child sees inconsistencies in your behavior and loses the repetition or repeat of appropriate display of behavior.

Loving Voice: “I can see that you are having a hard time now. I will talk with you when you stop yelling.”

Using Gestures & Body Language: The use of facial expressions (often exaggerated) and body gestures (big smiles, frowns and hand movements) often works to reduce temper tantrums in place of using words.

The Purpose of using gestures is not to be sarcastic or rude, but to slow the child down while keeping yourself calm.

Repeat the Words Without the Behavior:When your child says, “I want a cookie! I want a cookie!! I want a cookie!!” You repeat back, “You want a cookie, I want you to stop yelling.” Follow your words with silence.

Ignore the Behavior: Unless the child is having the temper tantrum right in the middle of a shopping mall, walk away and ignore the behavior for the time being.

Eating like a sparrow :P

A sparrow decides that it is too hard a flight to go south in the winter and refuses to migrate when the other birds leave.

Winter sets in and finally gets so bad that even the sparrow realizes he needs to head south. But he is no sooner in flight than ice forms on his wings and he falls to the ground. There on the cold, hard ground he is freezing to death until a cow comes by and flops on him. The warmth of the cow's droppings began to warm him up and he feels so good he jumps up and starts singing. The farm cat hears him and pulls him out of his messy condition, cleans him up and eats him! The morals of this story are:

[1] Not everybody who craps on you is your enemy.

[2] Not everybody who gets you out of crap is your friend.

[3] If, and when, you do get out of crap keep your mouth shut!

Great Parenting Quotes du Jour :)

“They may forget what you said

but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

~ Carol Buchner

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.”

~ Brian Tracy

“The level of cooperation parents get from their children is usually
equal to the level of connection children feel with their parents.”
- Pam Leo

"Be a parent FIRST – the friendship will follow as your foundation is built…. "~ Sue Scheff

"You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around- and why his parents will always wave back.”

~ William D. Tammeuson

“If I had my had my child to raise over again:

I’d build self-esteem first and the house later
I’d finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I’d take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes
I would care to know less and know to care more
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites
I’d stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars
I’d do more hugging and less tugging
I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I’d model less about the love of power
And more about the power of love.”
~ Diane Loomans

"While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. "~Angela Schwindt

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Cambodian Royal Treat

Every year on Cambodian New Year, Cambodian Apsara (meaning goddess) dancers mesmerize us with their graceful Royal Ballet. Khmer classical dancers use stylized movements and gestures to tell a story much like a mime. Dancers do not speak or sing; they dance with a slight smile and are never supposed to open their mouths (though a few dramas have brief speaking parts).

Khmer classical dance can be compared to French ballet in that it requires years of practice and stretching at a young age so the limbs become very flexible. In the Western society, dancing is synonym of movements explosion, intensity and full intentions in each movements, body expression and covering the dance floor as much as possible.

While we are all conditioned to appreciate the sensational dance movements, Cambodian ballet is showcasing the complete opposite. Rather than exploding, the dancers are somewhat imploding. Their movements are precise, but restrained. Their enigmatic face along with their very flexible hands and feet, trained since their young ages, the Cambodian Apsaras master the Art of self control and balance, wrapped in such a poise and intriguing package. Their movements and gestures are precise and subtle, yet very complex. Commonly performed at public events is Robam Jun Por, a dance where dancers scatter flower petals as a gesture of offering best wishes.

Crispy Voice

In the Cambodian culture, a great singer is required to have a voice described as being "crispy". Crispy meaning so sharp it crisps in your ear...Imagine if an egg roll could sing...Tee hee hee.
I am very proud of my Cambodian heritage and watching videos like this one above brings me right back at home, in my case, in Montreal, where my family is.

Happy Cambodian New Year to all and best wishes for this year of the rabbit!

Sincerely,

Davine

And this time, my pork liver pudding award goes to...

Grey’s Anatomy. This award is not for the quality of the show itself but the quality of the relationships in it. Despite it being very entertaining, that TV series has way too much gizzards, liver and guts. There is not enough meat, real life rapport, and authentic decent relationships. The so-called “best friends” talk to each other without ever truly listening to each other (when they’re not talking all over each other). For surgeons, their emotional IQ is the same as a dead leaf where they have no clue what they want and whom they want. McDreamy is so into Meredith but I could never understand based on what. She is McAnnoying and the most self-absorbed character on that show. They all apparently love each other so much but never considered their partner when doing something so stupid, like McSteamy choosing to have a baby (TWICE!!) over being with Lexie but apparently loves her so much. I don’t get people who look up to that show and find any of those couples endearing or sweet. I understand there wouldn’t be a story without drama, but it should be based on some realistic grounds still. “Imagination is not a lie”, like my favorite author Daniel Pennac quoted. Give me at least, just one decent human interaction miss-creator–of-the-show Shonda Rhimes? Is it because you have never met nor had any decent relationship that you are not able to write about it?

Secret Garden

When I was born, I was given a pile of dirt, like anyone else, and planted my dreams, hopes, and secrets in it. Some flowers, and some species I wasn't even aware I planted bloomed. Some shrubs and weeds grew without my consent but it's ok since the garden was kept a secret. It was important to keep it a secret, to preserve its beauty, its majesty, but also its flaws.

What happens when someone else steps into your secret garden? Will they dig it? Will they judge and perceive your favorite flower as a weed? Everyone has a secret garden but not many have a special person they can trust to walk in and out and not reveal its location.

To tell or not to tell everything to the person you love? Most people I know would say not to tell and find me foolish to tell everything to my husband. They are amazed that he tells me everything as well. What is there to hide? If it's sexual, wouldn't it be even greater if your partner knows exactly how to be that person you need him or her to be? And other important matter, shouldn't you share everything since every decision you make has a direct impact on the other and you chose to be a team after all? Through the bad and the worst.

I understand their ground though, those who still keep their garden a secret even to their close ones. I didn't share my secret garden to anyone, but then, I never had much problems opening up to people in the first place. I had a lot of flowers I wanted to share, and show, not that many secrets to bury. It's normal to want to keep our garden intact. It's extraordinary to be able to share that garden with someone, who wouldn't come step all over it, not respect its path and curves. It is extraordinary to have someone not only appreciate our garden, but helps it flourish, and helps gating it and keeping it safe from others who are looking for rarity. Until I met that person, I never thought it would be this pleasant to garden with someone. Now, our secret garden is even bigger and it is a true safe haven.

That hamster...What a ham! ;)

Last week, I caught up with a good old friend from high school. She was that kind of friend who saw magic and created magic wherever she went. She sees people in a way that no one sees and saw me when I wouldn't dare look at myself in the mirror. Being a teenager was hard, but Elyssa made it easier for me to see what was in front of me. Passion. Magic. Dreams.

She is such a free spirit and I've always been inspired by her positive and warm energy. I think she was the first kindred soul I have crossed path with. As I was unraveling my current life hurdles and frustrations, and disappointment in certain people, she put a light on my foggy thoughts and gave me those kind words of wisdom: " When you don't understand someone, just think of that person as a hamster. Another entity, or creature so different from you that you cannot have any expectations anymore. They do what they do because they are hamsters. It is in their nature. That is all. " So I now see my world filled with hamsters....and as a wombat, I must sit back and embrace the marvels of Mother Nature....

You make love the way you eat...

I always have a good kick at analyzing the way people eat, especially how couples eat together. I am surely not the first person to link food with people's behavior, hence the well known adage
" We are what we eat"...I just brought that saying into the bedroom. :P

Have you ever wondered if people with a food schedule and ate spaghetti every Tuesday evening also had a schedule for their intimacy? I like to assume they'd be having sex, let's say, only on Saturdays. Or people who never want to try new food? Wouldn't that indicate they're closed minded to new sexual positions or experiences? Maybe it's not that directly linked but I like to think so. Some couples don't mind not ordering the same thing...Some enjoy just a plain Mac and Cheese and others need a ten course meal all the time, does that mean some are more spontaneous and others need a whole ambiance and plenty of foreplay? :)

Back when I was on the dating scene, I would know right off hand I couldn't be interested in a guy who would never care to share his food or make me have a taste of his dish he ordered. I always believed that people sharing their pleasure, any pleasure, as mundane as food, would be generous in other areas and also care about the other person's pleasure...And messy eaters..well, you know what I'd assume...Without forgetting those guys who devour everything without taking the time to savor each bite, I don't think they'd notice the fine lingerie you carefully took the time to pick for him...Enough about the man...

How about girls who care about their food presentation...Does that mean their lingerie always matches and that they are always well trimmed? Sorry for these bold statements...Just some food for thought. :P What do you think?

Lemon Aid

Today, my little cutie pie in my belly is the size of a lemon. I am starting to show a little and needed some new maternity clothes, despite the fact that I already had some in my closet from three years ago. Times change. My body changed. My tastes changed.

In the maternity store, I spotted a cute vintage top that would be perfect for this summer but couldn't reach for the other sizes in the back. They started with extra small in the front and I was probably going to need the extra huge size in the way back. I tiptoed and still couldn't reach so I asked the sales person if she had any of those tops in my size. She didn't even bother looking at me and responded that all they had was in the store. I was hoping she'd come and look and get it for me since I couldn't reach.

It made me a little aggravated that she would rather play with her iPhone than providing me some decent level of service. So I told her I couldn't reach and was about to state the obvious...that I was pregnant.. I know. Shouldn't use the pregnancy card...but being in a maternity store. She had such a sour face...then, I was so glad I didn't say anything because the sales lady waddled by me with a HUGE belly. I couldn't believe how I did not notice it from behind the counter. She was as huge as a house and clearly was ready to pop anytime soon. And she also could not reach that top I wanted either. I felt bad, that she was in worse shape than me, but then....she still works at the store....you would expect a minimum level of service don't you think? I thought this could be an interesting Seinfeld episode...

Maki & Maki Rolls

The first time I ever tried sushi, and more specifically maki rolls, was with my childhood and yet so current friend Marie-Kim, that I call with affection Maki. :)

She took me to this quaint Japanese restaurant in Montreal called Atami and I was in awe in front of that wooden boat-looking board with plenty of colorful pleasing-to-the-eye rolls on it. We shared our lunch together along with great topics and laughter, like we always do for over a decade and a half already.
Maki rolls are so fresh, lean yet so satisfying and they are at their best when shared with someone. Just like my friend Maki, who was able to remain current throughout practically my entire life, so light, without any drama between us, just fun. I share this "brotherhood" type of friendship with her, almost geekish I could say if you heard some of our topics, and we share so many common interests and for some magical reason, our lives always crossed at the most interesting times. I truly love what I have with Maki and I hope we will be able to keep it fresh without any life food cross contamination. :)

Dry Cat Food

Along pregnancy hormones come (in my case) pregnancy wicked dreams. They are getting more and more vivid and twisted at each pregnancy it seems like...

I had a terrifying "catmare" a few nights ago. I am already not a huge fan of cats to start with and break into insane hives when I'm around them too long. In that dream, I was alone in the kitchen while my son was already in bed and hubby was probably taking the trash out. It felt warm so I cracked the patio door opened to let some fresh air in when a gray "Pet Cemetery" looking cat tried to get his way in. I jerked the patio door as fast as I could to chase the cat out but killed it by accident and it dropped dead on the kitchen floor. The death of that first cat seemed to have triggered a curse and compelled all the other cats to come join it in my kitchen. In only a few minutes, my entire deck was filled with cats (mostly gray) and they all ganged up to try to force into the house. The minute they'd reach inside, they would die and pile up to the ceiling. I got so scared I woke up. How messed up and gory was that?

And I thought my other pregnancy dreams like giving birth to fifty bunny rabbits was bad...I'll take that over dead cats. I am definitely not a cat person....