There is this preconceived notion and expectation that women have a smaller appetite than men. The common belief seems to be that women have a smaller appetite for food, sex or ambition, and when we encounter one that is more vocal and aware of her needs, men (and even some women) become intimidated by them. I find it discouraging when I hear stories of men feeling threatened by women with power. Any kind of power. Sex drive seem to be the scariest...It takes me back to those old days where witches were persecuted for having special capabilities...Those men are stupid...The day they will understand that they are in best hands with a woman with power, that is when their world will turn upside down.
Our society hyper-sexualizes everything and loudly sends out messages of what an average man fantasizes about: A clueless, wet (there is always a wet element: her wet hair, white t-shirt, her moist lips or nonetheless, her dripping Queen Victoria) woman licking everything and anything without questioning anything and ending innocently in sexy pauses and ready to receive, smirking like a deer in the headlight. They want her hungry...but never HUNGRY. Not because they wouldn't like it, but because they don't think those women really exist, and those who enjoy sex are often judged as sluts. Most women, because of this preconceived notion of them having the appetite of a bird, often don't allow themselves to feed their hunger to the fullest.
I applaude the caveman who would rather pay for a prostitute to fulfill his dirtiest fantasies rather than presenting the idea to his steady partner. (insert sarcasm here). His excuse being that he respects his love too much to degrade her to such activity and it would change his holy perception of her. Well, he definitely didn't care about her changing her perception of HIM. How is that respectful to seek someone else? A street worker or not. And the assumption that she wouldn't enjoy it, but if she dared to enjoy it, she'd have to face his judgment afterward, even though he should know her by now...All of this exasperates me. And yes, I know men who did that to some girls I know.
I know a husband who would love watching porn but never allow his wife to watch it. She's too good for porn. That same guy runs to take a shower after each time they are done having sex, as if it was so dirty or something. I don't care which denomination you worship, but I am certain there is no literature out there that forbid being nasty with the person you are married to. MOST religions forbid adultery but there is no where where it says married couples cannot have some wild fun. Oh, and speaking of wild, I am tired of wild being synonym for sadomasochist activities!! Too many sexual aberrations I can handle. It doesn't affect me personally, thankfully, but it drains me to know that some of my girls are subjected to such archaic view of their intimacy...or more so, LACK of REAL intimacy. And intimacy isn't limited to coitus or an explosive finale.
The main problem I believe, is the lack of general sex education. I'm not talking about a class where you learn about your anatomy and what a clitoris is. I am talking about learning about self-esteem, and the value of intimacy. Learning about our minds, sex drive and what catalyst triggers what, and the obscure and unexplored side of our subconscience. In some cultures, they have trainings about how to become a companion. In the Kama Sutra for instance, it's not only about sex positions, but also mastering the art of intimacy. Discovering, savoring, maximizing the sensual experience in its purest, fusional form. Our society lacks of sex education leading to increasing our sex intellect. Back to my food analogy, there is a lack of food culture and knowledge of refined food. People settle for junk food or just family friendly food, and in some cases, some take out. Refining your vision of sexuality doesn't turn you into a wild nymphomaniac necessarily. Even the finest mushroom truffle has one feature that makes it valuable: its wildness.
I dream of a day when women will learn to master their wildness and men will have developed minds and taste buds enough to value them. Here, I am talking, beyond the whipped cream, lingeries, and dirty talk...And just like when ordering at a restaurant: don't go there as a food critic, but keep on ordering the same things and trying new things on the menu...They will end up catching on what you like...Woman can be ladies in the outside world but it is OK to turn into a refined minx in the bedroom...or in the kitchen, or why not the staircase?
One more point I would like to make is that guilt people keep on having when having their minds wander. Let your mind wander and have fun together. Be opportunist, sneaky. Plan ahead. Surprise him or her and switch the power house around. It's ok to crave for just a raw fish right away, or just a greasy French fry, or start craving for just a fry and turning it into a ten course meal....And sometimes, chocolate can go in a beef chili con carne, and bacon can be added to a chocolate...Bottom line, YOU make the rules...
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