Love Cake

Strawberry Shortcake and Bananaman

Growing up in the 80's, there were cartoons targeting girls and some targeting boys. Boys would love Bananaman, The Transformers, GI Joe, ThunderCats and He-Man mostly. I used to love watching Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, Jem and the Holograms and the Care Bears. As a kid, no one told me it was for girls, and I don't think anyone really decided those were the only shows I was allowed to watch. I spent most of my days with my grandma who only spoke Cambodian. She didn't and couldn't filter what I could or could not watch (aside from the blatant violent scenes or adult content). It seemed to be my natural preference to lean towards those shows for girls since all the layout was in my pastel color palette. I loved pink and all those programs were painted in pink galore. I tried watching ThunderCats and enjoyed it, but I would always prefer my girlie stuff.

I never thought about all these gender dividing programs until I heard a friend saying she was against her son watching Dora the Explorer since it was a show targeting little girls. She made it seem like she would be more tolerant if he had a sister and would watch it with her. But since he doesn't, it would be wrong to expose him to a girlie show (even though Dora is no where near as girlie as My Little Pony for instance). I personally wasn't sure I understood the difference and what impact it would have on the boy whether he had a sister or not. The show would still be the same. While trying to understand her rationale behind all of it, I asked her why she wouldn't let him watch Dora. She responded that it was the parent's duty to decipher between what is right or wrong for their children. I couldn't agree more with her since that statement seemed more than obvious to me. That was the way I would describe the role of a parent. But she did not answer my question: Why not Dora? (asides from the fact that I am annoyed by Dora's high pitch voice...)

I knew this topic would be hot for a great discussion. I really wished she knew why she believed what she believed. I asked what she was afraid of but all I could get was her coming to the conclusion that we had different opinions. She concluded before the topic even started. The thing is, I didn't even get to express my opinion yet so how did she assume mine was different? (well, maybe because I questioned her, it was apparent that my reasoning was diverging from hers) but I was still interested in hearing her out. The conversation unfortunately ended that way...

The thing is, she most likely knew why she banned Dora, but chose not to say it, knowing it was a delicate topic. She did not want to face any confrontation being the sweet girl that she is. But how could she expect no reaction when she makes such a bold comment in public?

I will speculate by saying that she did not want her son to watch Dora so that it wouldn't make him become gay....Maybe it's not that, but then, why else wouldn't she respond to such simple question?
Now here's my opinion, assuming it was a because of a homophobic reason.

First of all, I am TIRED of all these expressions "He's all boy" when a little boy acts crazy hyper and wants to destroy everything...And seeing calmer or more intellectual kids labeled as "non-typical boy". In case it wasn't obvious, let me remind everyone that if you have a penis, you are a boy (unless he tells you otherwise) and if she has a vagina, she is a girl (unless she believes the other way around). Whether they want to have sex with a boy or girl doesn't matter in the nature of their gender. They are still boys or girls no matter what orientation they have.

Secondly, unless there was a trauma of any sort, I don't believe anyone "becomes" gay, the same way we cannot "ungay" someone either. And when I say trauma, I am NOT implying homosexuality to be any form of disease, but I mean, like ANY kind of trauma, who knows, it could change anyone in the ways they act. I may be no expert in this matter, but from everything learned and read on that topic and from everyone I met, I am mostly certain that most homosexual are born gay. It is not a contagious disease that you could catch and you certainly wouldn't become gay if you are a little boy and watched Dora as a kid!

To come back to my friend: hypothetically if her son enjoyed Dora, if he is heterosexual, he may just end up having a crush on the female character, or get bored after watching the show and choose, with his own initiative to not want to watch it. And if her son IS a homosexual, then, it doesn't mean he'll like the show Dora, nor that it's bad that he is an homosexual. He could be gay and LOVE the Transformers too! I'm not sure if I made my point clearly...

What alarms me the most with this type of mentality, is the type of teenager and adult her son will become. She said clearly it was the parent's responsibility to decipher between right and wrong for their kids, so, what is she teaching him by not letting him watch Dora? What does she say in front of him about boys who do watch those girlie shows? I am afraid that is the source of how bullies are created. At home. They learn intolerance and it comes straight from their parents...

As a mother of two boys, I am hoping deeply to raise well-rounded happy kids who become ambitious, positively competitive, strong from outside and within, compassionate, but most importantly, tolerant and acceptant of other's differences. Oh, and why not add nurturing too.